Mike's musings

Spiritual direction

I had my final session with my spiritual director pre-ordination today. A good session (which I managed to arrive 30 minutes early for, which beats the whole month early I managed once), and it came together nicely. I'm feeling ready, I really am. Apprehensive, but ready. I think that's probably about right.

Labels: ordination, spirituality

Spiritual direction

Work continues busy, but I also had a session of spiritual direction. I've recently changed spiritual directors - not because we didn't get on, but due to problems with clashes of commitments - and I'm getting a lot from my new one, who's called Rosemary. We've agreed that I'll re-read Ecclesiastes, and also try to get hold of another book, which we were struggling to identify!

One of the things that came out of the meeting was a great deal of thought on my side about the extent to which I'm beginning to understand the prophetic nature of my ministry. More about this in the future, I think, but I do feel a call to stand up and be counted - as a liberal. Which is kind of rare.

Labels: bible, ministry, spirituality

Spiritual advisor

I met a new spiritual advisor today, as my old one can't see me for a while, and I need to find one in the meantime. She's called Rosemary, and our exploratory session went very well. Her best advice? "Never give in to anti-elitism."

I've never heard Jo make a negative value judgement about something she's done before. She was making marble runs with Moo, and knocked hers over to play with Moo's, instead. She said that hers was "rubbish", and was quite insistent. We said nice things about it, but it was interesting to hear her say it. Mel was back in work today, and loved seeing both of them, particularly how much Miri had come one.

Labels: Jo, miri, spirituality

The Spirit of the Lord is upon me

This month's synchroblog is on "Altered states of consciousness", and how they relate to Christianity. In my undergraduate days, I did some interesting work on women religious (that is nuns, anchorites, etc.) in the Middle Ages, and read the excellent Holy Feast and Holy Fast: The Religious Significance of Food to Medieval Women by Caroline Walker Bynum. It talked about the possible use of fasting - and anorexia - as part of their lives, and the possibility that some visions were brought on by side effects of this. If I remember correctly, it wasn't discounting the visions, just setting them in context. This, however, is pretty much all I know on the subject. So I decided to talk from personal experience a bit. This is my blog, after all.

A bit of background on me first. I come from a liberal, medium-to-high church background. Hymns, and if we sing any "worship songs", we still call them hymns, organ and choir (when available, in both cases), not guitars. Nothing extravagant - for some people, passing the Peace is a step too far. That sort of thing. It doesn't mean that there's not true worship going on, or a very real spirituality, but it tends to be internalised. Now, I've always found music very moving, and maybe I'm being a little harsh on the tradition I come from, but there are limits. I'm _certainly_ not the sort of person to go in for visions, or voices, or any of that sort of thing. Oh, no.

Which makes it somewhat embarassing when it happens to me. Three times in my life, so far:

• first, when I was receiving communion a few weeks after I was confirmed (around the age of 11): I had my eyes closed, and as I received the bread, I saw Jesus giving it to me, rather than the person who was serving me. I've always interpreted this as a sign that God was likely to call me to the priesthood at some point
• second, three Easters ago when I attended a communion service, and felt that I was hardly there at all: God was speaking to me very directly. I came out of that service realising that I was being called to a vocation, and that the time was now. This led, in time, to a realisation that the earlier call was being taken up, and that it was time to investigate ordination
• third, while I was listening to some music and reading in the library at Ditchingham, on an ERMC residential: I suddenly felt the hand of God upon me, and really felt that "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me". I wrote this up in my blog last August, and rather than going into the details again, I include the link: God be thanked. This was an affirming and strengthening for the time ahead.

I would describe all of these as taking place within an altered state of consciousness, as a realisation of God's grace (not always easy - the second experience was challenging and unsettling, for instance) fell upon me. I sometimes use meditation techniques to aid my prayer-life, too. What I think I'm trying to say is that you don't have to go all "weirdy-beardy", or "charismatic" or "happy-clappy" to experience God's grace through your life. You may feel touched without any of that, and if your consciousness is altered, it's because God's changed how you think, feel, and relate to the world. The immediate feeling may wear off - for me, that's true - but hopefully the experience will act as a touchstone, and the changes that God wrought in you will be reflected in your life.

I'd just like to say that I'm not condemning in any way the "charimatic", "happy clappy", or even the "weirdy-beardy" (!), but trying to make it clear that you shouldn't reject a call or an experience just because it doesn't hit you as you expect. Nor should you be worried. Engage, analyse, if you wish, be fearful of what the experience means. But the experience can come even to "staid", "safe" - dare I say it? - "boring" Christians like me.

Synchroblog

Today is a "synchroblog" on the subject of spiritual warfare. If you've liked what you read here, or, more particularly, if you didn't, and you'd like to read some other opinions, please visit one of the other participating blogs:

• Shamanic Vision and Apocalyptic Scripture at Phil Wyman's Square No More
• Can prayer be an example of Alternate Conciousness? at Eternal Echoes
• Better Than I Was [at times], Not Better Than You Are by Mike of Earthsea
• emotionalism vs rationalism at Adam Gonnerman's Igneous Quill
• Consciousness of the absurd and the absurdity of consciousness at Steve's Notes from the Underground
• The Unconscious Christian by Matt Stone
• Hypnochristians at Jamie's More Than Stone
• The extreme consciousness of the Spirit by Les Chatwin
• The Spirit of the Lord is upon me at Mike's Musings
• The Truth About Reality by David Fisher at Be the Revolution
• Trying to play along here at Cindy's Tracking the Edge
• Entranced Prayer at Journeys In Between

Labels: ERMC, spirituality, vocation

9 hours

(backposting) Nine hours of driving in the end. No voice. Listened again and again to this piece of music (no video).

Not this recording (a better one than here, IMHO), but still. I listen to it and wonder how someone could hear it and _not_ believe. It's by Olivier Messiaen, and is called "Dieu Parmi Nous" (God Among Us"), from "La Nativité du Seigneur" ("The Nativity of the Lord"). It's long, but oh, so worth it.

Labels: belief, music, spirituality, transcendence

Slow down!

Well, Sally's entry today could have been written for me, or at least parts of it. Went to see the nurse practitioner at our surgery today (thanks, Sally, among others), as I've not been sleeping, and can't seem to throw this cough/sore throat/run-downness/etc.. Lack of sleep during the night (and then having to crash during the day) is a classic sign of raised blood pressure, which I remembered. And, indeed, my blood pressure's gone through the roof, with readings of 170/110 and 150/101, neither of which is particularly reassuring, and Pat (the nurse practitioner) reckons it might well be partly a result of the viral infection generally running me down, which causes my body to put its blood pressure, which makes me tired, which makes me more run down, which causes ...

So, she's increased my dosage of head-exploding pills (named because that's what they're designed to _stop_ happening), and I'm to have a blood test once they've had a chance to kick in. Last time, my bloods came back fine: I don't have high cholesterol or anything, just a predisposition to high blood pressure ("ideopathic", which means "we don't know why, and you're odd", as far as I can tell). Checked, and although it would be good to get more exercise when I feel up to it, that won't be the reason. Neither is my diet or general life-style of particular concern*. So, what should I do? Take it a bit easier is the answer.

I'll be leaving the house before 0800 tomorrow to drive to Swindon for two meetings, then driving back, then going to a seminar in Stowmarket. Don't expect to spend much more than 8 hours in the car. You've got to laugh.

Which, actually, is part of the point. I need to make a conscious effort to back off a bit, I think. I don't mind driving - in fact, unlike Moo, I enjoy it - and I'll listen to some good music, kick back (metaphorically), and chill out a bit. Just need to remember to do it. A bit of passive spirituality is called for, I think, and I might even burn a special CD mix to help myself along.

*(I've never smoked, and don't drink to excess. Well, not often. And, you ERMC folks, you see an unrepresentative sample. Honest.)

Labels: illness, spirituality, work

Spiritual Warfare: a liberal looking inwards

I had to look up the term "Spiritual warfare" when the suggestion came up that we should do a synchroblog: you'll find a useful definition on Wikipedia. Well, it was useful for me, at least, to the extent that it told me that it's not a concept that I'm very happy with: certainly not very familiar with.

The aspect of spiritual warfare with which I had some passing knowledge was more in the Orthodox tradition of being aware at all times of the internal battle to live to the glory of Christ revealed to us, and to battle against the impulses to apathy, non-doing and, sometimes, downright evil which are part of our shared humanity. This battle is one that Christ's salvation, and the continuous workings of the Holy Spirit through God's continuous creation. This is the looking inwards that I referred to above, and is an understanding of spiritual warfare with which I'm entirely happy.

Where I struggle is with the demonic side of things: evil spirits who inhabit our world. I'm not a big fan of angelology, and this dark side of seeing the spiritual world is caught up with that. I'm much happier with a view of evil which is seen more as embedded within us - not so much original sin in the traditional sense, but more due to the brokenness of human society: an inevitable consequence of our fallen nature.

I'm very aware that my experience, however, is very limited. I have, thank God, never experienced real evil first hand. I've witnessed evil deeds, and come across at least one person in whom evil must be understood to have been at work. I know that there are things out there that are beyond my understanding. I suspect that this may change over the years that come, and that evil may press harder on those of faith than without, but I've yet to see anything that convinced me that evil spirits were at work in people.

This is partly due to the fact that I've had lots of exposure to issues around mental health. I've seen little in my life which I've not been able to understand or at least relate to in terms of human brokenness and mental illness. Moo has worked in mental health for quite a lot of her mental health, she's read widely in issues surrounding it - and I've mirrored some of that reading - I have friends and family who have suffered - and still suffer - with mental health problems. I worry very much when issues of mental health, which can be addressed - if not "solved" completely - through counselling and various kinds of care - are blamed on evil spirits.

This raises two points. First of all, I'm not a fan of over-medicalising conditions which have a large emotional component, as many mental health conditions do. A holistic view of illness - particularly mental illness - is often vital. This can often include a spiritual element of treatment: and maybe treatment here is too medical a term to be using. What is more, it is important to treat the person, and not just their illness, and in order to do that, it is important to allow the person being treated to understand their illness in a way which makes sense to them, and which is contextualised to their situation.

This leads to a second point: that it may be that the understanding that people have is strongly influenced by their spiritual beliefs. They may, in fact, see their condition - and I'm now carefully avoiding talking solely about mental illness - as mainly revolving around spiritual elements.

And here is an example of where looking at postmodern understandings of experience can be very helpful. A realisation that every point of view has a validity, even though they may not all be equally valid, means that we can understand that imposing our views of reality and experience without any attempt to understand and contextualise the explanations and descriptions of the realities experienced - quite fully and honestly - by other people, can be damaging to them. It also falsifies any pretension to tolerance, understanding and empathy that we make. Generally, this is something that the medical profession is coming to terms with, particularly in mental health. We, too, as religious practitioners, need to be aware that realities are relative. Yes, there is an objective Truth that God has given us, but we cannot fully understand it - we are too broken - and we must be aware of that. As Christians, we believe that the revelation of Christ to us gives us a better view of that Truth - if we listen to it - but we cannot, and must not, pretend that we have all the answers.

I've roamed a bit off my thread, and there's one more point I want to make. This is that sometimes the historical understanding of the practice of spiritual warfare can be used to excuse practices which are un-Christian. Some of the exorcisms that take place in the name of spiritual warfare, for instance, are more about control and abuse of the powerless than can possibly be considered Christian. While we need to contextualise belief - as I mentioned above - love of God, of others and, yes, of ourselves ("love thy neighbour as thyself") must inform at all times our practice, and praxis of faith.

Synchroblog

Today is a "synchroblog" on the subject of spiritual warfare. If you've liked what you read here, or, more particularly, if you didn't, and you'd like to read some other opinions, please visit one of the other participating blogs:

• Phil Wyman - Pagans, Witches, and Spiritual Warfare
• John Smulo - Portraits of Spiritual Warfare
• Mike Crockett - Sufism: How the Inner Jihad relates to Christian Spiritual Warfare
• Steve Hayes - Thoughts on Spiritual Warfare
• Marieke Schwartz - Grace in War
• Cindy Harvey - Spiritual Warfare. (?)
• Jenelle D'Allesandro - The Militancy of Worship
• Mike Bursell - Spiritual Warfare: a liberal looking inwards
• David Fisher - Spiritual Warfare: Does it have to be loud and wacky?
• Brian Heasley - Something from Ibiza via Ireland
• Webb Kline - Webb Kline
• Sally Coleman - Sally Coleman
• Mike Murrow - Mike Murrow

Labels: evil, mental health, spirituality, synchroblog

Tired and grumpy and fed up

OK, I admit it: I'm all of the above, of have been at various times of the day. Let's look at some reasons:

1. for the last week or so, I've been waking up with a nasty sore throat
2. we're both short of sleep
3. I've only spent an entire night with Moo in bed twice (I think) over the past 3 weeks
4. I had a real fight with Jo between 0300 and 0400 about whether she was going to sleep in her own bed (she won: she went in with Moo, and I went to sleep in the spare room again)
5. I've got an essay to write for Friday
6. money's looking like a really interesting issue for the next few months
7. we've got a new baby on the way: of course it's disturbing
8. there's lots of interesting stuff on at work, but it's keeping me very busy and may well have long-lasting impact on my career
9. oh, and I'm trying to juggle ERMC work (forget the essay as well!).

These are all fine, really, and I'm feeling a lot more relaxed about all of them than I was at the end of yesterday: we've made the decisions we needed to make, and I'm ready to ride the storm for a bit now.

My blog may not have looked like it over the past few days, but I'm beginning to think more theologically, if that makes sense. My personal seems more imbued with the spiritual (spiritual and theological are closely allied for me), which is probably how ti should be. I'm not sure how closely this marries with the course, but in some ways that probably doesn't matter, as long as I'm keeping things together and covering the course as prescribed.

A bit about Jo

Enough about me. Jo's great. One major change recently is the addition of the word "me" to the the vocabulary. Up until recently, she's referred to herself as "Jojo", but now it's quite often "me", as in "me do puzzle". She's also recently got the concept of being scared. Some things which she took in her stride until now are sometimes scary. She was scared of Father Christmas, and today, at the zoo, she was upset by some free-roaming sheep that were following us and making a lot of noise: "not like, a bit scared". She realises when things _might_ be scary (she's got a couple of books about scary bears, for instance), and sometimes she'll tell you that she's scared, or that you are. This tends to lead to a cuddle, which is definitely appropriate behaviour. She's also very interested in trying to understand emotions from facial expressions, though she often gets "sad" and "scared/frightened" mixed up, which is interesting. Getting an understanding of her emotions, and other people's, too, seems like a sensible thing to be doing, particularly if she knows how to deal with her fears.

Labels: ERMC, Jo, sleep, spirituality, work, zoo