Mike's musings

Ordination

Tomorrow, we get a new curate, Sally. She's to be ordained in Chelmsford Cathedral in the morning, and John, my incumbent will be there. Prayers and blessings for her.

Labels: ordination

Ordination and first Eucharist

(backposting) So much to blog about. So much. But I'm still processing it, so I'll put down what I can.

Ordination

We arrived at the church early, and it was lovely to greet people as they arrived. I had problems letting go, and not being the curate: there were other people to sort things out, and in the end, I just had to be an ordinand, get ready, and go with it. I robed up in cassock, surplice and white alb - a beautiful 18th century white alb that Dad had been given for his priesting, and which he passed on to me. We formed up in the St Andrew's Centre car park, and then walked over to the church. Moo was my lay sponsor, and I held her hand as we processed up the aisle together. There's a fair amount of preamble - all of it important - before the actual act of ordination, and I was the third of the 3 to be ordained, but in the end my time came. I knelt in front of the bishop, and the clergy clustered round and laid their hands on me. There were 10, I think: the bishop, the bishop's chaplain (Tim), the preacher (Chris), my father, my incumbent (John), Geoff (from the team), Viv (from the team), Mark and Ian's incumbents and James (a good friend, and previously from the team). Moo says it was a big of a scrum, but I couldn't tell. As the bishop said the words, it felt heavy, and I felt surrounded, and it was good. And then, I was a priest. The bishop anointed Ian's hands, then Mark's, and then mine, and we were done.

The service moved into a Eucharist, and we stood to either side of the bishop as he presided. After we'd taken communion from him, we got to sit down and just relax a bit. The service finished, the bishop took us three, new priests, down the aisle, and it was over, and time for some pictures.

First Eucharist

The parish put together a fabulous bring and share lunch: what lovely people. I had a chance to catch up with a few of them, but also friends and family. Leo, Rosie and Andy, Mark and Jenny, Mum and Dad, of course, Aunty Les and others, too. Si and D arrived in time for the 1500 Eucharist, as did Gary with his family, which I'd not expected. I walked the main players - Dad (serving for me), Sally (reading the Gospel) and Ian (preaching) - through the choreography first, and then it was time to start.

It was an immensely emotional experience for me. Mum later said that the first time she'd seen me cry in church was 31 years ago, and she thought she'd see it again, and it was close. Some of the liturgy, a couple of the hymns, and also parts of Byrd 4-part all had me close to tears. But when it came to the two parts which mattered the most to me - the Absolution and the Eucharistic prayer - it all worked. I'd been worried about the Absolution, but it felt right. Even more so for the Eucharistic prayer. I'd spent a lot of time preparing, and in particular thinking about the actions and gestures that I'd be using, before deciding to go with pretty much the bare minimum. I was boiling in a warm chasuble in a very warm church (Catherine had needed to call an ambulance for a member of the congregation at the ordination service - though I'd not noticed! - and the afternoon was hotter), we had a gospel procession, a Latin mass setting, and pretty "high" setting, but the theology is pretty low for me.

When it came to the prayer of institution, it just felt right to be saying it. And I was just aware that I was not the first person to be saying these words and celebrating this feast, but was part of a long tradition, made up of many, many others. It was just right. And Dad hadn't realised that he would be the first person to whom I administered communion, and that was very special indeed.

Our last hymn was "Jerusalem": a mission hymn. And, although not everyone enjoyed it, we had my favourite piece of organ music: "Dieu parmi nous" (God among us) by Olivier Messiaen. We sat, rather than processed, and it was the perfect end to my first communion.

Aftermath

We finished the day with friends coming back for a barbecue - during which it rained very, very hard. Si and D with Morgan and Boo, James and Ruth and Sally all came, and John and Mo arrived later as the others were departing, giving us a good chance for a chat with them. The girls pleaded tiredness around 1900 and we put them to bed without even a bath, and they were down so quickly that we had a good long time to chat. A good end to a long day, and we went to be tired.

Only for Jo to turn up with a temperature (I took her into the spare room with me) and Miri to go in with Moo, having been woken by Jo's perambulations. Such is life.

Labels: church, eucharist, family, friends, music, ordination

Tomorrow's the day

(backposting) Decided not to go for any walks today, but to let the blister heal - I'll be in formal shoes for the big day, and don't want to be distracted. Also, it's an opportunity to do some quiet reading and catch up on some sleep. Chris, the retreat leader, has spoken brilliantly, and given us lots of food for thought, and it was good to see him in the pub tonight, where I had just the one pint and a J2O before heading back for an early night.

Well, it would have been an early night if it weren't for the village party with rock & roll band, who kept going till around 0030. Oh well, at least I slept during the day.

It's very odd to know that tomorrow I'll be ordained priest. I'm ready, but it will be a big change, and I've been reflecting how the change also brings particular changes in responsibility in with regards to leadership. As a deacon, you're called to serve, first and foremost, but as a priest, you're also called to lead, and that's a big change. I'm not sure how that's going to be lived out in my life and ministry.

Labels: ordination, priest, sleep

Walking - and blisters

(backposting) Ages since I had a blister, but after two walks, coming to around 6 miles, in sandals which are beginning to fall apart, I managed to develop one. Luckily, the weather's so warm that I can walk around the retreat bare-foot most of the time, and the people running the retreat centre had some special blasters which I can use.

The second walk was with a good friend, Sue, and it was good to catch up with her, to share our thoughts about priestly life, our children, our jobs, and the rest, while walking through the fields and woodland around the centre.

The retreat's going well, and I managed to get some sleep in the afternoon. Last evening staying late at the pub tonight - not sensible to stay up the night before the big day.

Labels: friends, ordination, walk

Preparing for my first communion

A ten-mile bike ride, having pumped up the tyres with my new stirrup pump (Father's Day present). Nice to be riding it again - I started at the end of the autumn, I think - getting the pump (which I'd asked for) was an incentive to get back into it.

I also had quite a long session with my incumbent, John, where we prepared for my first Communion service on Sunday. We walked through the whole service, and had lots of discussion about various aspects. The bit we spent most time on (unsurprisingly) was the Eucharist prayer, and in particular the gestures that he uses. I'd previously spent quite a lot of time talking to my Dad about what he does, and we also had discussion about it during the CME day the other week. Part of the discussion, I'm pleased to say, was about the theology being expressed by the gestures, and John is very happy for my practice to be different to his (as is my Dad). I'm pleased to have spent so much time thinking and talking about this: I'm sure my practice will change, but it should be firmly based in my theology.

As part of the walk-through, I said most of the service. It was interesting to note which bits of the Eucharist prayer I didn't want to say. It was also interesting to note that I think that I'll find giving the Absolution for the first time as affecting, in its own way, as my first prayer of consecration. It's going to be a very emotionally charged day on Sunday, but I'm looking forward to it very much indeed.

On a lighter note, John's the one with the beard...

Labels: communion, ordination, theology

Ordination practice

(backposting) I drove home today - Moo and the girls are staying with Kate and Mac for a while - and attended an afternoon-long RIM/Certicom integration webinar and teleconference.

In the evening, I had a meeting with the bishop and his assistant/chaplain, John (my incumbent) and a number of our local team (servers, churchwardens, sacristan) to make some decisions about exactly how the ordination service will go, and have walk-through. Of course, there will two other people who will also be ordained on that day, and everyone was expecting them to be there, too. Except for them, as nobody seemed to have told them... Oh well, we had a very useful session: it's all feeling a bit close now.

Labels: church, ordination

Ascension Day! (and a new phone... (and a new washing machine))

(backposting) So, the new phone arrived today around 1500. I'd been on tenter-hooks all day. The new washing machine arrived around 1100, and has been busy going through all the washing we've not been able to put through for the past week or so. Mel's been a star and has helped out with a load or two, which has allowed us to have some pants, etc..

I've taken some time getting my head round the phone, and the camera's very good, wifi works fine, and so far, so good.

After the kids had gone to bed, I went to our sung Eucharist for Ascension Day. John, my incumbent, hadn't expected I'd make it, so it was a good surprise. We had a pint after the service and went through the draft order of service for my (and Iain and Mark's) ordination to the priesthood, which is only a little more than a month away. John preached helpfully - in that I have more ideas now about what to preach about on Pentecost.

Labels: eucharist, geekery, ordination

Preparation for my priesting and first Eucharist

Scarily, these two events are only 2 and a half months away, and I really have to start thinking about them. The ordination will kind of just happen (God willing, of course - the bishop already seems willing), although we need to choose some music. My first Eucharist (does that sound like "My First Pony" to anyone else?), however, requires quite a lot of planning. They're both going to happen on the same day - Sunday, 28th June, 2009 - the first at 1030, the second at 1500. I'd love to welcome any readers of this blog who would like to come, but please let me know first, as I need to plan numbers for the different services.

Today, I booked a preacher for my first Eucharist: Ian McIntosh, principal of my theological course, ERMC. He's an excellent preacher ("I'm an excellent driver..."), and I really look forward to seeing him there. I'd considered a number of other people, but rejected them for a variety of reasons, and I know that he'll preach very well, which really matters to me. Also to be arranged:

• organist
• choir
• music
• hymns (this is not the same as immediately preceding item)
• deacon
• ?sub-deacon
• readings

Labels: communion, ordination

Daddy's squidgy ordination cake

Moo insisted that I take this picture and show it on my blog, simply because it looks like a cowpat. Things went wrong (separately) with not only the sponge, but also the icing. It tastes lovely, and meant that I had some fun Daddy-Jojo time, but it really looks pretty darn awful.

Things are taking off with SecondLife: more information to come, because nothing's official, but please keep an eye out.

Moo and I both took the day off today, which was lovely. We spent most of the morning together while Jo was at school and Mel looked after Miri, and after lunch at a pub we sent Mel home (with a bottle of wine which she probably _shouldn't_ have finished on her own this afternoon) to spend time together with the girls. It was a real holiday, and what we all needed, I think.

Although I get pretty upset at some of the Gafcon and anti-women bishops stuff, this is nothing compared to how riled Moo gets about it, so I've taken the step of inviting her to write piece for this blog. I'm not sure if she will, but I'm going to keep prodding. I've said she can write whatever she wants...

Lots of contact over the past 24 hours from friends around the ordination, which is great. Some good pictures up on Chris Newlands' pages on Facebook, if you can see them.

Oh, yes: this morning, Jo had asked if I'd take her to pre-school in my "priest's clothes", to which I'd agreed. It turned out that she meant my cassock, but I did consent to clerical shirt and collar. With it I wore what I'd have worn anyway: sandals, cut-off jeans, and mirror shades. "TV Comedy vicar" is how Moo labelled the look, somewhat hurtfully, I thought. I had to dash to the kennels to pick Buster up immediately after, and got accosted by someone there: "Ah, a vicar!" he said. I explained that I'm but a deacon, and it turns out that he's the vicar of Balsham, across the border in the Ely diocese. I'm going to have to get used to being stopped in odd places when I'm collared-up.

Last, but not least, my good friend Sally published a lovely post for me yesterday, to which I promised to link. Thank you, my friend.

Labels: church, food, ordination, secondlife, women

Ordained. And out

I've made some great friends on the retreat: Chris, Sally, Neil, Paul, Geoff and Chris all spring to mind. I've rediscovered some friendships: Sue, Iain, Mandy and Terry particularly. And made more that I hope to explore in the next few years. After a last service in the morning and breakfast, we all got ready and the Colchester and Bradwell area ordinands headed off to Chelmsford Cathedral. I met Dad and Mum, and Moo turned up in good time for the sponsors' rehearsal/training thing. And after getting all vested up in cassock and surplice, stole ready to go, it was time to start.

The service was joyful. Just full of joy. Great singing, lots of grinning from me, and a few tears after the actual ordination (from me, that is: Kate, my mother-in-law, cried pretty much throughout). The actual laying on of hands was very powerful for me. Heavy, really heavy hands. But more than that. I closed my eyes and there was a great depth. Not an emptiness, but a great depth. I need to reflect on this, but it was very powerful for me.

And then I was wearing a stole, across my body, over my left shoulder, which is how a deacon wears it. And I received the host from the Bishop of Chelmsford, and the wine from the Bishop of Colchester, my area bishop, which was a particular privilege.

Now I'm a deacon.

We had a meal at home, and it was fantastic to see the girls: they were both so pleased to see me, as well.

And out

About three years ago, I was told very firmly that until I was ordained, I should keep quiet abut a couple of issues. These are:

• the ordination of women to the episcopate (women bishops);
• the position of homosexuals in the church.

I was ordained today, and the gloves come off. For regular readers of this blog and my friends , this is may be pretty clear already, but here's a statement or two.

I am disgusted that women cannot occupy every position in the Church of England that men can.

I believe that sexuality should have no impact on the treatment of any man or woman, whether lay, deacon, priest, bishop or archbishop.

I intend to campaign on these issues. I intend to engage with those who hold different views. And I hope to do so in love and respect. But this is where I stand. God help me.

(Oh, and this post is for Moo. My love).

Labels: ordination, sexuality, women

Tomorrow

(backposting) More of the same. Quiet, some chat, getting to know my fellow ordinands, prayer, worship, reading, some sleep. It's tomorrow, and I'm ready.

Labels: ordination

More retreat

(backposting) There are (as I've already mentioned) lots of services on the retreat. Four today: Morning Prayer (0800), Holy Communion (1200), Evening Prayer (1800) and Night Prayer (Compline), following an address at 2000. There's lots of space during the day to do your thing, and as well as reading some trashy novels to relax, I've also been doing some interesting theological reading. I have to note that the Homilies have got some pretty anti-Romish sentiment in them.

Anyway, to get back to the point, with each service there's a hymn or song. Luckily, there are two of us who play, and from very different backgrounds. I'm taking the standard traditional-type hymns, and Geoff has been handling the "songs", or less traditional ones. He's a star. Jazz piano where he comes from, and his "Amazing Grace" was brilliant, and gave me a chance to have a seriously good sing.

Although I'm very aware that life isn't easy for Moo when I'm away like this, but I think it's really important to take the time to concentrate on the ordination, and the journey that I've had getting there, not to mention taking some time to allow work to dissipate a little.

Labels: music, ordination, services

Rehearsal and retreat

(backposting) This morning, as I've taken holiday, I spent the time getting stuff ready. This included clearing the area around my office up a bit so that you can get round it, realising that my surplice (which is second hand) has some unremovable stains, emptying the bins, packing and the rest. Then headed off to Chelmsford via Tesco's (razors, if you care), before parking up (quite a long way from the cathedral), and then walking over to the town centre, getting some food and heading off to the cathedral.

The first rehearsal was for the Bradwell and Colchester episcopal areas (which includes me). We had to do it in cassocks, mainly because we practiced kneeling and getting up, as well as processing. If you don't know what you're doing, and you're not used to kneeling (and getting up) in long dresses, cassocks can be quite dangerous, and this was a good plan. It all went pretty well: though it's scary that we're at this point already. Sunday's the day.

After the rehearsal, three of us (Mandy, Iain and I) agreed to walk back to our cars in our cassocks. And I needed to put my sunglasses on, of course. The problem was that I discovered that _my_ car was parked rather a lot further on than theirs, but decided to go with it. So, I walked through the centre of Chelmsford (including through Debenhams) in my cassock. English people are very funny. Nobody looked at me particularly as I approached them, though I was sure I could feel their gazes boring into my back. So, after some problems getting my satnav to work, I made it to Pleshey.

Pleshey is where the Chelmsford Diocesan House of Retreat is. I had a room in the Gatehouse which was entirely fine: you don't expect luxury on a retreat. The next few days will have lots of services, some addresses from the retreat leader, and a fair amount of silence (though you don't have to be silent when you're out of the house, which is useful when you want to pop out to the pub).

Labels: clothing, ordination

A veritable wee!

Miri managed her first wee in a potty before her bath today. Yay! We've been sitting her on it from time to time, but she's never performed, so we made a big thing of it today. She's young for potty training, but has been patting loos quite often (and patting, for her, means that she wants to sit somewhere), so we thought we'd give it a go.

The other big news for the girls was Jo's first big-girl book. She's really enjoyed Charlie and the Chocolate Factory on DVD, so we thought we'd try her on the book. It's the first non-picture-dominated book she's had, and she loved it. The chapters are a good length, so I read one to her before the bath, and Moo read her one as she went to bed. Go Jo!

I had lunch with Viv, and talked about my first month as a deacon - which really isn't far away now. Things are really getting close.

Despite the upcoming excitement, I've got lots of work done today, and I'm quite pleased with it.

Labels: books, Jo, miri, ordination, work

Barbecuing a bishop

(backposting) This evening Moo and I went to the Bishop of Chelmsford's place for a barbecue (hog roast) with all of the other ordinands for the diaconate. This really isn't Moo's sort of thing at all, but we both had rather a good time. I re-met a bunch of people I'd not seen for a while, including a good friend, Susan, who Moo got on very well with, and a few others, too. Moo even found a Scouser to talk to (they're everywhere), though there were a few frosty moments when she discovered that we are a Reds family (rather than Evertonians) but we got over it. A good time, and a good chance to speak to people in the same position I am in (and the same for Moo) .

Labels: ordination

Bishop

The deal is that before you're ordained, you need to meet the bishop who's going to ordain you. He (and they're all still men in the Church of England, I'm afraid) has the final say as to whether it's a "go" or "no-go". I met the Bishop of Chelmsford and had a good chat about a number of things, including preparation for the ordination retreat and the office of the diaconate. He was very positive, and I think (and pray!) that we're ready to go. He mentioned that several other people had told him that it feels a bit like getting ready to get married: apprehensive, but sure you're doing the right thing.

Labels: marriage, ordination

Spiritual direction

I had my final session with my spiritual director pre-ordination today. A good session (which I managed to arrive 30 minutes early for, which beats the whole month early I managed once), and it came together nicely. I'm feeling ready, I really am. Apprehensive, but ready. I think that's probably about right.

Labels: ordination, spirituality

Sermon

I'm not going to be preaching it until at least the beginning of July, but I'm beginning to worry, already, about my first sermon as a deacon. This is silly, I realise, but that's just running round my head. Do you preach to the lectionary (something I'm not overly given to), or to the season, or to recent events, or speak about myself, or curacy, or the diaconate? I literally have no idea. And it's obviously, obviously too early to think about it.

I'm currently going through the "why isn't everybody else so enthusiastic about the Gospel, then?" phase. This, I'm given understand, is typical of nearly-deaconed ordinands. Expecting to enthuse everybody else is a dangerous fallacy, and I'm glad, at least, that I've seen it. And enthusiasm is good. But needs watching.

Now Moo's not well. Hope she gets better soon. I've done a part dog-poo clearance, and 90% of the ironing (ran out of coat-hangers), and cooked supper. And spent around an hour getting Jo to sleep. But I hate it when Moo's ill. Particularly as it's partly due to overwork.

Labels: diaconate, ordination, sermon, theology

Essay posted

I only have another 6000 words of essays to write for ERMC now: one of 4000 words, and one of 2000. They'll both be on ethical issues, though the first one will be looking at some issues of belief and doctrine as well. Three more weekends.

The paperwork's beginning to come through, including Crockfords yesterday and the diocesan directory today. It really does feel like things are actually happening.

Labels: ERMC, ordination

Essay on Psalm 137

So, I decided that I _could_ use David Gray's "Babylon" as a reading of Psalm 137, and I frankly don't care if I get marked down for it. I think I made a good case for it, so we'll see how it goes. I've sent a copy to Sally, contrary to my usual practice not to send anything out until I've seen a marked copy. This decision is mainly because I can't face bothering enough not to, and because I suspect that Sally will have some interesting things to say about it.

Very excitingly, I got a letter from Crockford's today, asking for my details so that they can put me in their publication. This means that I really will be a _proper_ priest at some point. One of the things they asked for was an email address, so I've given them a new one, which I now feel happy about releasing: mike [dot] bursell {at} anglicanpriest *(dot)* org. You can take out the relevant bits and pieces to make that a real address, and see why I've not felt happy about using it until things looked pretty certain.

Miri can now say "cat" pretty distinctively - to the cat, or about it, when she wants to go and see him - and has a sound that she associates with dog (but doesn't sound much like it). She also has a hysterically funny face she does that has been labelled "hippo", where she puts her hands out, opens her mouth very widely, and vibrates her head from side to side. You have to see it. What's particularly amusing about it is that she looks very much like Jo when she does it.

Labels: ERMC, essay, Jo, miri, ordination

Becoming a Reader

I had a very interesting chat - which turned into lunch and a drink - with Jane, an ex-Church Army officer who's about to start training to be a Reader. We got on extremely well, and seem to be coming from pretty similar places. It was a very illuminating conversation, and I look forward to more chats.

We talked about a number of things that will stay confidential, but of particular interest were her reasons for deciding on becoming a Reader, rather than considering Ordination. I won't go into the details, but she told me one of the best pieces of advice that she has ever received. I think it's OK to quote it, and it sums up quite a lot of my philosophy as well: "God's gift to you is common sense: so why aren't you using it?"

Labels: ordination

Today in SecondLife

I visited a mosque, invited a Muslim into our chaplaincy group and talked to an Orthodox Christian about ordination and working in SecondLife.

Labels: ERMC, Islam, ordination

Title post

I'm well over a year off ordination, but I'm having to think already about where I serve my title post - or at least what sort of title post I'd like to consider. Let me explain about this, because it's not sure how much people reading this will know how it works. I'm also aware that some of our dissenting brethren (well, sustren - that's our Methodist friends, to be clear about it) read this, and there's no reason why anyone should know how the Anglican church works. Noone in the Anglican church does, after all. I only found out fairly recently. Let me explain how I believe it works:

• training (3 years in my case)
• ordination as deacon
• start title post (working as a curate in a parish)
• ordination as priest (1 year after ordination as deacon, in most cases)
• continue in title post for 3 more years
• do something else if required.

Looks almost like pseudo-code, doesn't it?

Anyway, I have to come up with some suggestions about the sort of parish that I'd like to spend the next 4 years of my life in.

Aaargh! Do I _want_ to do spend 4 years of my life working in _any_ parish? I guess I do, but I'm not sure to what extent I expect my ministry to be parish-based in the long-term. Is this taken into consideration? I'm not sure it is, but there's a lot to be said for spending time in a parish, settling into a pastoral context, a worship context and the rest. Anyway, what do I want? I'm thinking hard, but music and respect and a receptiveness to the power of online communications: I guess they're all important. And respect for women and for homosexuals. I mean: how can we not?

Oh, if you hadn't realised it, I'm back, and I'm geeky as ever. Still not entirely well, but getting there. All I can say, is
ssh -X -C -i hostkey.kpa host

Labels: geekery, ordination