Mike's musings

And home - and away again. Oh, and a clown. Really

(backposting) Home's always the good bit, and I got there around 1400, mainly because the plane had been delayed by over an hour. I had a quick bath, got changed, and headed off to pick up Miri, who was with Victoria as Moo had a governors' meeting. Moo brought Jo back around 1530, and I had about two hours with all of them before they headed off to Moo's parents, and I headed off to the High Leighs Conference Centre for a CME weekend.

This really wasn't what I needed. I was really quite jet-lagged, and the fact that we had a session with a priest/clown in the evening did little to make me less grumpy. Remember that Grumpy was a dwarf: I was a full-size, 6ft 2in grump giant. Although I got the point about leaving work, and enjoying ourselves, where exactly were God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit? Nowhere very obvious, is the problem.

Great to see lots of friends, and particularly good that we had all 3 years of curates there. Less grumpy by the time I got to bed, and went to sleep nice and quickly.

Labels: family, humour, ministry

America, Minchin, and a hat

1. I'm not going to America tomorrow. Or next week, come to that. I'll go to London tomorrow and next week instead (assuming the weather holds and the roads/trains are operating as expected (do roads operate?))
2. Watching the Tim Minchin DVD So f**cking rock, which Moo bought me for Christmas. Bl**dy brilliant.
3. I made a hat. I knitted, all by myself. And it looks and feels and acts like a hat. So it _must_ be a duck. Or something. I'll be posting pictures, oh yes.

Labels: humour, knitting, travel

And back to Finland

Set off from home around 0740, got to Heathrow a couple of hours later, and did meet and greet parking this time. Just because it took ages to get back to my car last week, and, on top of quite a drive home on Friday night, time is precious. In Duty Free, I bought the 3 Shrek films (on offer) for the girls, and the second series of The IT Crowd for me and Moo. Watched some of it on the train. Just marvellous - had me laughing out loud on quite a few occasions.

Caught the very efficient bus to the hotel, and got a double bed this time: I'm so unused to sleeping in a single that I keep nearly falling out (and yes, I'm talking about on my own here). I also joined the hotel's loyalty programme. They give you vouchers. Which you can spend on beer. This is a good thing.

Labels: humour, travel

The Beaker Folk make the Times Online

I've long been associated with the Beaker Folk of Husborne Crawley, though my involvement has been reduced of late, and it's good to see them getting a mention in the Times Online, thanks to Ruth Gledhill. I must remember to read the blog more often...

Labels: humour

Yarn Addiction Rehabilitation Network

"Yarn Addiction": an state in which a person becomes so engrossed in yarn-based activities that he/she is unable to interact with the outside world. Affects: knitters, spinners, dyers, weavers, etc.

If you have a partner, spouse or relative who is a frequent - or recovering - Yarn Addict, then you are welcome to this (Facebook) support group.

Labels: facebook, humour, knitting

Ladies' toilet

After a lovely meal with Jim, Nina, Poll, Lee, Florence and Frankie, we popped to Sainsbury's to do some shopping. At the end, Jo said she needed a wee, so I took her off to the toilets. The gents were frankly disgusting, and rather than doing the sensible thing and taking her into the disabled toilet, I accepted Jo's suggestion that she should go into the ladies. I stood outside, noting people going in and coming out: there was always someone in there at the same time.

After a few minutes, I heard, "Daddy? Daddy?". I opened the door a couple of centimetres, and said "yes?". "Daddy, my croc has come off." "Just put it on later."

I closed the door. Another minute or so elapsed. "Daddy? I need help with my poo."

A laughing teenager opened the door and suggested I come in, which I did, and waited outside the door while Jo insisted finishing some more of her poo. A woman came out of the other occupied cubicle, laughing at me. In the end, Jo let me in.

The ladies' emptied, and I tried to chivvy Jo on, to no avail. Another woman came and entered a cubicle. "Shhh," I said as quietly as I could to Jo. "Why? Why do you want me to be quiet?" "Shhh!"

The other person finished, and left, and I thought we were clear, but another woman came in and occupied a cubicle. Jo finished, and again I thought we were clear, but she took ages to get her pants (two pairs?) and tights up: and just as we were unlocking the cubicle door, there was a flush from the other cubicle. I have literally never washed my hands and ushered a child out of a toilet quicker.

Moo laughed like a drain.

Labels: humour, Jo

Mum, mum, singing and Harkaway

Not just the mother of my children, but my mum is also in the house, as she's come to stay. She's got a lovely Sony e-book type of thing, which which I'm rather impressed. On a separate note, I'm trying to collect a bunch of friends together to do some singing. And on another, yet more separate note, Nick Harkaway (aka Nick Cornwell) is annoyingly funny and clever, darn him.

Labels: family., humour

Crying children and comedy

No, not connected. Miri, last night, woke up just as I was just about to go up to bed. I calmed her down, and as I got ready to go to bed, Moo looked after her. When I went back in (Miri was already in our bed), Miri lost it: she really, really wanted Moo there, and cried - _really_ cried - for 30 minutes. I've never known anything like it. She was really sad, and in the end, I went downstairs, where Moo had luckily just finished the work she'd needed to do, and, after a while, Miri calmed down. Poor little thing.

And today I've been finding out more about Tim Minchin, mainly by watching him on YouTube. He's very funny. As I put it on Facebook: you know how, if you're going to be entirely orthodox, certain people _are_ going to hell, but you hope you'll be there to enjoy it with them? Tim Minchin.

Labels: humour, miri

More gems from Jo

Jo: Daddy: what's a pedant?
(My job here is done)

Jo (tying an orange dressing-gown cord around the ear of one of her bears, who's allegedly been suffering from a sick bug for several weeks now): I'm tying the orange ribbon to her ear to stop her being sick.
Moo: will that make her feel better?
Me: is it an anti-emetic?
Jo: no, it's mine. It doesn't belong to anyone else.
(We suspect that she believes that she has an aunt about whom she didn't know before today, called "Emetic"...)

Labels: humour, Jo

Quotes from the girls

Jo (part-quoting a poem she's learnt): If you may, if you might, stay up deep into the night. Asking God for gold and silver fishes. And if you're good, Miri, I'll give Daddy some of them.

Me: Jo, do you think it's better to ask God for money, or for happiness?
Jo: Happiness. And money.
Miri: 'ney! 'ney!

Jo ("reading" her Bible to Miri): A hundred years ago, God was born, then Jesus died.

Labels: girls, humour

Streaming

That's what I've been doing all day. Eyes and nose, plus coughing. A man cold is a dangerous thing, and needs to be carefully handled. I think we can all agree that it's vastly to my credit that I raised myself from my sickbed and did lots of work.

Miri's much better, Jo had phlegmy vomit this morning but was fine by lunchtime, and Moo should be well enough to go to Birmingham tomorrow: but not being men, they don't run the risks we men do when we get ill. To be fair, I went to the chemist yesterday for a decongestant. I can't take sudafed due to hypertension, so he gave me a nasal spray. But I checked the instructions for dosages today, and it turns out that I shouldn't be having that either. See: danger all around.

Labels: humour, illness

Ska-ed for (everlasting) life

I couldn't resist the pun. Or the addition. I'm sorry.

I'm not much of a devotee of Christian pop/rock at the best of times, but this has opened my eyes. There's a whole new subgenre that I'm suddenly interested in exploring. I'm wondering if we can book them for our next Family Eucharist. Or whether I can do a stealth booking for Gary's church.

Labels: church, humour, music

Sage

Well, _obviously_...

You are a Sage, characterized by a thinking or head spirituality. You value responsibility, logic, and order. Maybe that's why you were voted "Most Dependable" by your high school classmates. Structure and organization are important to you. What would the world be like without you? Chaos, that's what! Your favorite words include should, ought, and be prepared. What makes you feel warm and fuzzy? Like Tevye from Fiddler on the Roof it's tradition! tradition! tradition!

Because you love words, written or spoken, you enjoy a good lecture, serious discussions, and theological reflection. Prayer for you usually is verbal. You thrive on activity and gatherings of people, such as study groups. Sages on retreat likely would fill every day with planned activities, leaving little time for silence or solitude.

We need Sages for your clear thinking and orderly ways. You pay attention to details that others overlook. Sages make contributions to education, publishing, and theology. You often are the ones who feel a duty to serve, give, care, and share with the rest of us.

On the other hand, sometimes you seem unfeeling, too intellectual, or dry. Can you say "dogmatic"? You may need to experience the freedom of breaking a rule or two every now and then. God's grace covers Sages too, you know!

Famous Sages:

Mr. Spock | Dilbert | Elrond | Dietrich Bonhoeffer | Maya Angelou | Linus (Peanuts) | Yoda (Star Wars) | Andy Griffith | Mr. Miyagi | The Buddha | Rodin's The Thinker | Moses | Ross Geller | Matthew (the Gospel writer) | Tiger Woods

Labels: humour

Swearing

Today we had problems finding a parking space when we went to Sainsbury's today. When we finally found one, Jo said "My bugger". We assume she meant "Oh bugger". I downplayed it and told her she probably meant "my rugger", being a different word for "rugby". Moo didn't help as she was almost paralytic with laughter in the passenger seat.

Jo's come up with some good questions recently, though.

• "what is grass made of?"
• "why did I come out of mummy as a girl?"
• "why do nettles have stings?"
• "what happens to sugar when you put it in tea?"
• "what is water made of?"

It's amazing how many questions can be answered with the words "atoms and molecules" or "DNA".

Labels: humour, Jo

Busy

Things are really hotting up at work. Lots of sales stuff coming along, but more and more non-sales stuff, too. I need to work out how this is all going to work together. Or not. We'll see.

I forgot to blog about an incident on Sunday. At Ickworth Park there was a small zip wire for kids, and Jo had some gos on it. There was a boy of at least 2 years older than her, whose parents were being, shall we say, somewhat more protective than we are. When he was called away, he had a complete hissy fit. We just wouldn't put up with it, and as they went out of earshot, one father said to his kids: "if you acted like that, I'd throw your bike in the river. And if you didn't have a bike, I'd buy you one specially." We laughed. A lot.

Labels: humour, work

Women bishops: yay! Maybe another 13 years of marriage, too

Rowan Williams said: "I am deeply unhappy with any scheme or any solution to this which ends up, as it were, structurally humiliating women who might be nominated to the episcopate." The General Synod voted "for". This means that we're going to have women bishops in the Church of England. And no "super-bishops", as the BBC puts it. A Code of Practice for people who won't accept this.

Given Moo's views on this, this means that there's a decent chance that we'll manage another 13 years of marriage: we were married in King's College Chapel on the 8th July 1995. She's pleased, as am I. Oh - I meant about women bishops, though I think we're both pleased about 13 years of marriage.

This particular entry isn't going very well, but that's mainly because we're watching Series 1 of Peep Show, which I got Moo as a present. And I've been laughing too much.

Labels: church, humour, marriage, Moo, women

Church Times

Oh - one last thing. My mate Neil-Allan Walsh is depicted in the Church Times giving the Bishop of Chelmsford bunny ears in a photo. I think the bishop will find it funny. I _hope_ the bishop will find it funny...

Labels: church, humour

Miri's sense of humour

(backposting) Miri thinks that lots of things are very funny. In particular, warlking over to you pretending that she's going to give you something (a toy, a book, or even a cuddle), getting close, then shaking her head madly, turning away and toddling off. This is hilarious (particularly the head-shaking), and everyone gets to play.

Labels: family, humour, miri

Christ is my business

Someone said this to me recently, and it struck a cord. I'm involved in business, and I think that the work I do isn't anti-Christian, or unethical, and the colleagues with whom I work closely actually have a very strong ethical stance on many issues. In fact, I think that the work we do can do a great deal of good. But it's about generating profit, and wealth, and is that bad? This is a long, hard question, and a big question. Surely wealth creation allows society to pull itself up into a better (more technological?) position? The problem is that this is rather a second or third order derivative: where can we find a close action which is good, and clearly Christian?

Well, I'm employed, and I can keep my family in relative luxury. We (our company - but we, our family, in fact) employ other people. We allow them to create wealth (and keep their families in relative luxury, too). And our products keep other people employed. And they keep yet more people's data and money safer, too.

Those are all good things, but how do they sit alongside Christ's commandments on money and wealth? It's been pointed out (by Richard Harries and John Atherton among others) that the Old Testament is a lot more positive about profit and wealth creation than the New Testament is often read as being. I just don't know. I find myself worrying, often, whether I'm making excuses for making money and being rich. I don't love money, I really think I don't. And, over the last few years, have less and less interest in goods for their own sake. And that's despite being a gadget freak.

So, I guess part of the question is whether we're willing to accept those second and third order derivative Christian outcomes. And how much are we willing to stand up for the first order effects damage that our work can cause? I really believe that the first order damage for my work is minimal. But then there are issues such as power consumption, environmental effects, etc.

It never stops: you can keep chasing the guilt. One of the things that Alan (who said "Christ is my business", and didn't mean it in this way) said was that we can't allow guilt to rule our lives. We have to live out the good, and make the most of that. Wise words from a wise man.

Burn them

On a lighter note, I took a quiz on Facebook today, to find out how Calvinist I am: "How Reformed are you?". It turns out that I'm "Truly Reformed". The outcome of this seems that I should be out burning Arminians, which mainly means my Methodist friends. Oh, well.

Labels: christianity, humour, work

Doctor

(backposting) Someone went to the doctor today, and should start getting better soon. Well done...

Had a good chat with Mark today, who's working with me on SecondLife. We're part of a working group within what could be broadly be described as the Anglican Establishment (the capital "E" makes it seem more imposting, doesn't it?) that's looking at some of the legal and theological issues that arise. We don't often talk - the fact that he's in New Zealand make it difficult - but we overlapped for a while today, which was useful. We're preparing for a mini-conference, and wanted to coordinate, so I've got to send him some stuff, and now that I've talked to another member of the working group, to give him some info, too. Useful conversation.

Labels: humour, illness, secondlife

ERMC day 1

Got there in the afternoon, had a good session on preparation for essays a number of us need to write on Christian Belief and Ethics. I've got a pretty good idea of what I want to write about: it's a reaction to Edelman's No Future: Queer Theory and the Death Drive, which I've mentioned before, in terms of eschatology. Only just getting my head round it, but we'll get there.

A hint for anyone planning to walk into a nun's bedroom in the middle of the night, assuming it's the bathroom because you've not bothered to check, and you're looking at a copy of Thomas à Kempis' "De imitatione Christi": make sure she doesn't wake up, and get out very quickly.

Picked up a free copy of Thomas à Kempis' "De imitatione Christi" today.

Labels: ERMC, friends, humour

Phistophicles

Some real genius here. "...on why bad things happen to good people" is quite affecting, actually.

Labels: humour, theology

Rallying cries for theologians

Apologies to all offended...

Liberals

What do we want? Moderation.
When do we want it? Preferably in the near future, but only as long as it doesn't put anybody out, OK?

Evangelicals

What do we want? Kingdom Values!
When do we want them? Well, we've to them already, thank you...

Anglo-catholics

What do we want? Presence! What do we want them? No, not presents.. Real Presence...

Labels: humour

Difficult decision

If I eat enough Krispy Kreme glazed donuts (sic) (sick), can I pretend that David Gray's "Babylon" is a reading of Psalm 137 for an essay I'm writing?

Labels: ERMC, humour

I know this is wrong, but...

27

Labels: humour

Unfortunate jobs

A guy came around selling things door-to-door tonight, around 1700. I was upstairs, working. Moo was trying to feed the girls. He was deaf, and trying to sign his intentions. It really didn't work. Not so much the whole "Moo was trying to feed the girls", though that didn't help, but more "it's dark, and we don't have an outside light, so even if Moo could understand BSL - which she can't - she wouldn't have been able to see what he was signing."

I'm sorry, but it's just funny.

Oh, and Miri has 2 more teeth: that's 4 now.

Labels: humour, miri

Two wedding anniversary presents

You might think that this title might refer to the present that I bought for Moo, and the present that she bought for me, and which we exchanged today, as it's our 12th wedding anniversary today. But no. Moo's apparently ordered a present for me, but it's not arrived yet. And she thinks that she probably threw out the card she bought, in her mad recycling frenzy on Thursday night. I gave her a present - a lovely bag from Roots which I bought last week, and a card which I bought yesterday.

So what, you ask, is the second present? The gift of laughter. We went out to a nice pub for a meal with our friends Kirsty and Matt (hi, Kirsty!) over lunch, and while we were waiting for service (which seemed to be for much of the meal), I took Jo to play in the grass area. There were some deckchairs. Jo and I sat in one each, we got up, we moved around, Jo and I sat in the same ones again. *Crack*

I had to 'fess up to Moo and to the pub (who were fine about it). Moo thought it was very funny, particularly because I have some form with breaking seating furniture. This comes up quite often in the family, and I thought I was very generous to share this story with Moo (although Jo would probably have grassed me up anyway).

Labels: friends, humour, Jo

Jo

• She's now out of nappies completely, even at night. 26 and a half months - it's doable, if they're up for it.
• We went to register Miriam's birth today, and were sitting in a room with the Registrar. Jo got a bit bored, and headed for the door. As she tried to open it, she turned to the three adults and said "I want to go to the pub." We gave the Registrar permission to dine off this in perpetuity. As long as she didn't call social services.

Labels: humour, Jo

Things not to say

Said this a couple of days ago, forgot:

"So, did you wash your hair in the shower, or are you just sweating a lot?"

Labels: humour

Husborne Crawley and Newfoundlands

We heard yesterday that a Newfoundland dog had been taken into the local RSPCA rescue centre. We went to visit it, partly in case it's the dog for us, and partly because Del Richards of the Newfoundland Club asked us to do an assessment. He's gorgeous, very big, and needs new owners who know Newfies. We're not in the standard brackets for RSPCA dog rescue, and it might not be very good timing, but who knows? Jo seemed to like him (though she was rather freaked by the load barking of the other dogs around), and he's lovely. A seriously big Newf.

The Beaker Folk of Husborne Crawley have been busy lately. Keeps me and Gary off the streets, I suppose.

Labels: dog, humour