Mike's musings

Deacons and gardens

Today, on the advice of curate colleague the other week, I went to a different church for a change, as I had a week off. Tilbury-juxta-Clare is in the benefice I live in, and which I was helping out in before my ordination, and it was good to worship there. Keith, the rector, preached a really enjoyable sermon on the importance of deaconhood - both for laity and clergy - which felt particularly apposite as I'm approaching my ordination to the priesthood. He talked about Philip and the Ethiopian Eunuch (which isn't a Famous Five book, whatever it may sound like), and other Christians - ordained deacon and not - who've served God.

After that, we took to the garden. It was a lovely day, and we did lots and lots of clearing. We're beginning to be able to use the bottom half of the garden again, which is quite impressive after about 5 years of lack of attention. The girls helped - on and off - and had a great time. All-in-all, we've had a lovely weekend with the family: the sort you dream of when you start a family.

Labels: church, diaconate, family, garden

Ash Wednesday

(backposting) Today is the first day of Lent. I forgot, of course, to mention that we had pancakes for supper last night with the girls. Anyway, back to Lent. I'm not a big fan of giving things up for Lent (though I've done it in the past), but more of changing things in your life. I'm going to try to spend less time sitting in front of the TV playing games on my iPod, when I could be reading theology or Trollope. The latter may seem odd, but I've never read Barchester Towers before, and I'm really enjoying it: not only is it funny (very), but I'm learning lots about the state of the Church of England in the 19th Century.

I took part in two services today. I took an early lunch break, and participated in a school service, and in the evening, I took part in a service. In both cases, I took the deacon's role, and both of them were the Holy Communion with ashing. I've only attended one ashing service before, and I really enjoyed it. I was leading the prayers of penitence in the evening one, and realised as we were getting towards it that it felt wrong to ask the congregation to kneel and pray if I was sitting or standing behind the altar, so I went round in front of the altar and led the prayers from there. Luckily, John, who was leading the service, was happy with it, and I felt it worked very well. James preached an excellent sermon on "time", which I enjoyed very much.

Labels: diaconate, Lent

And back home again

The residential was supposed to last through till Sunday, but it's my nephew Frankie's baptism tomorrow, and I decided to come home first, and then drive over tomorrow morning. Made a new friend on the course, I think: Will, who wasn't at our pre-ordination retreat. From a very different tradition, but an interesting guy, and we had some interesting chats.

I also finished Catholicism by Jean de Lubac, about which I've posted previously. I very much enjoyed parts of it, and I'm happy to accept his general views on Catholicism, but not the low-level premise that the Roman Catholic Church is the sole guardian of the Catholic Faith and the true Body of Christ. Learnt a new word, as well: "circumincession", which seems basically to be the same as "perichoresis", but in Greek.

Labels: catholicism, diaconate, home

CME Residential

(backposting) Off to a CME residential this afternoon, after a day getting some good stuff done for work. So good to see lots of friends for the first time in a while. Went out to the pub afterwards, which is always fun.

Labels: diaconate, friends

A funeral

Today I participated in my first funeral since being ordained in June last year. Taking funerals is part of ministry, and it's important that I have some experience of it. Actually, many priests/deacons who work full-time take very few, as most funerals tend to take place during the week. So, apart from families and friends, it may be that I won't be too busy with them, but I need some practice.

James took the funeral, and I did a reading and intercessions. It was very, very cold in church, and I had worries not only about my ability to cope with the emotional side of the service (particularly as it was for a 53 year old mother who had died from breast cancer), but also that I wouldn't be able to talk properly because of the cold: my teeth were actually chattering. In the end, it was fine, and I found that singing the hymns helped. I wasn't able to continue to the crematorium for the committal, as I had taken an early lunch-break to be involved, but it was a very worthwhile and humbling experience. It made me realise how just being there, being a solid focus in the service, and allowing people to work through their grief, you can minister to them. That can be all it takes. Humbling, as I said.

Labels: curacy, death, diaconate

Christmas Eve

(backposting) Well, it's all very exciting, obviously. Though Jo, when asked whether she was excited this morning, replied that she was because she's going to see Turtle and Mouse on Boxing Day, and only mentioned presents and Christmas Day after that.

I've had a day of computer stuff, as it turns out that Kate's desktop (5+ years old?) died during a software upgrade last night. So, we went to PC World to buy her a laptop, via Maplin to buy an IDE->USB cable, and bought her an Acer in their clearance section. It's a lovely little machine, and the Ubuntu 8.10 ("Intrepid Ibex") install is so easy - I've only done upgrades before. I've so far been unable to get anything at all off her old drive: I suspect that it was that dying which killed the machine. Anyway, all working very well, and now Kate can work around the house if she wants to.

We (Kate and I) took the girls to a crib service at East Leake, which was packed, and which the girls enjoyed immensely. Glynis, the incumbent, very kindly allowed me to take part robed in the Midnight Mass, and I not only did the intercessions, but also served, which was a real honour, particularly as they have a deacon, Claire, who very graciously let me do lots of things which are, by right, her territory. I enjoyed myself so much, and would have been so sad if I'd not had the chance to take part in a service. Thanks to both of them. In bed by 0100...

Labels: diaconate, family, geekery

Celebratory service

(backposting) Today was the 40th anniversary of my father's ordination to the diaconate, and he officiated at a Eucharist at Cheddar, where he's a been a curate for the past 18 years. I deaconed for him for the first time, which was lovely, and all of the family came apart from Jo (who'd thrown up in before the service) and Moo (who stayed back to look after her). Miri came up and slept in my arms before I handed her back to Jim when I went up to serve Dad at the altar. It was just brilliant, and she was very well behaved. Some of my happiest earliest memories are of going up to be with Dad when he was assisting at services, so I'm glad that the girls are getting the chance to do it as well.

Labels: clergy, diaconate

Three issues to cover

You (that's the thousands of readers I have, of course) don't often get 3 issues in one posting. Well, actually you often do, but I don't usually bother to separate them out. Today you do, and I am. Lucky you.

Jo

It's really hard having a child who's ill. In fact, Jo had finished throwing up by the time I got back home from church, but she had thrown up 4 times between my leaving at 0720 and my return around 1210. Moo had to deal with it. This is one of the nightmares about having multiple commitments - particularly ones I care about - is having to leave Catherine to deal with problems which a) it's not fair that she has to deal with on her own; and b) that I want to be involved with myself.

Anyway, Jo was much better by this afternoon, and managed to keep a simple supper down. Hopefully she'll sleep well. Hopefully she (and Miri) will sleep through past 0800. Yeah, right. Past 0600 would be a miracle.

Stewardship

I preached on stewardship today. It was a very hard sermon to prepare, and pretty hard to preach, but I was quite pleased. I gave a shorter version to the 0800, and the full version to 1000. I based it (to the surprise of James, the other curate!) on justification by faith alone. It's not an obvious starting point, I grant you, but for me, it made sense. The people who built - or caused to be built - our church in Halstead paid the church in tithes, and gave money in gifts, partly because the doctrine of the medi&aedigraph;val Catholic church was that doing good works helps in getting to heaven: alongside faith, of course. I won't go into current Roman Catholic teaching, but I'm firmly of the opposite view: that we are justified by faith alone.

I noted that as citizens of England, we have rights to use the church - the parish church in Halstead - for marriages, baptisms, funerals, and other services- as do all the other people who live in the parish. And I pointed out that we have a set of responsibilities that go along with those rights: to maintain that set of rights of ourselves, for those who don't usually exercise them, for those who came before us, and for those who will come after.

But more than that, we have a covenant with God - a new covenant, a new testament - and there are responsibilities entailed with that. And that's where we start with thinking about or financial responsibilities to God's church. And its people. And its God.

Not just at the front

During intercessions today, I left my seat at the front of the church and went to be beside someone who was crying. The details aren't important: I supported this person and put my arm around them. I thought about it - for probably under a second - before I did it. But it was abundantly clear to me that if I can sit at the front of the church, up three steps, and leave someone to cry, then I'm not worthy to be a priest. Or even a deacon.

We serve. Or we dishonour the Father, and let down the Spirit, and sadden the Son.

Labels: death, diaconate, god, illness, Jo, sermon

Deaconing

Yesterday I realised, in the middle of the 1000 service, how much I was enjoying being a deacon. The chance to help - assist - in the ministering of the service, both in the classic deaconing role, but also in things like taking the first part of the service, handing over to John for the absolution. Helping is an important part of being a deacon, and, for instance, I offered to help John consume the excess elements at the end of the service (that's the bread and the wine). Helping. Being part. There's a real ministry all of its own there, and I'm beginning to find it.

Labels: diaconate

"Get the baton round the track"

So says Dame Kelly Holmes, and she's quite right. You'd think that people would train at this, if they were Olympic athletes. Men and women. Why, oh why, can't we manage to do this?

I had Sunday off, without any clerical duties, and it's feeling a bit odd: I'm missing it. Hmm. Well, we're meeting the other team clergy and families for supper tomorrow night, which should be good: Moo's not met all of them yet (and I've not met all the families).

Labels: diaconate, sport

Corporality

As you'll see if you look, James left a somewhat sniffy comment about my lack of ability to fold a corporal. You just can't get the staff, it turns out. That would be me.

Actually, it wasn't really a sniffy comment, but I could have read it that way if I'd felt like it. I do feel for poor Gary, though: I don't mind folding things (when I remember), but it's clearly not something he's used to doing.

Today, we had a visit from the possible new curate, but I wasn't able to make it.

The kittens continue lovely.

Labels: curacy, diaconate, kittens

Buster's dead

(backposting) We were up at 0200: Buster was barking, and not well. Panting, drooling so much. I ended up calling the emergency vet number. I spoke to a very nice female vet, who was very reassuring, and we agreed that Buster clearly had a temperature. She said that other than giving him painkillers, she wouldn't be able to give him much more than the medication we already had, given the symptoms that I'd described. She encouraged me to give him his medication a little early, and to try to get him to have some food as well. I got the medication down him, but not the food. And though I went upstairs, I was down again a few minutes later, as he was clearly very upset. I let him outside, as it was cooler out there. We went to bed.

I was up at 0630 to deacon at the 0800 communion service. After getting dressed and some food, I went outside. I called Buster, and he padded down the drive, though he didn't look well. He had knocked over his water bowl, so I filled it up, and he came to drink from it, but then collapsed. I went and got Moo, and we put the water in front of him, but he really couldn't drink from it. I phoned the emergency vet again, and as I was on the phone, he tried to get up again, and failed. They said to bring him in to the surgery in Witham - about 30 minutes away.

I brought Moo's car down, we put some towels in it, and I had to manhandle poor Buster into the boot, because he couldn't give me any help at all.

I drove there faster than I should have done, in places, though I think I drove safely. And I chatted to Buster from time to time, through some tears. When I got there, I rang the bell, and the receptionist/assistant came out. But when we opened the boot, I was unsurprised to find that Buster was dead. The vet came, and confirmed it.

They'd had a terrible night. Buster was not the first dog to turn up dead. They'd had to put another one down, and other things had gone badly. I felt for them very much. They were great, though, and I don't think that there would have been anything they could have done if I'd turned up earlier. Nor do I blame our vets - I think that, given the symptoms, all was done that could be done. Sometimes, animals die. Particularly Newfoundlands, I'm afraid.

Moo hadn't expected that he'd be dead when I came back and told her, and Jo didn't quite get it, though she's been saying on and off that she's sad. Her first reaction was to try to cheer us up - I cried when I told her. And Miri's been waving at the French windows from time to time, as if she was looking for him.

Oh, I'd told John, my training incumbent, that I'd not make the 0800, and he was very understanding. I made the 1000, and it was marvellous! I performed the deacon's role, including reading the Gospel, preparing the altar and the elements, inviting people to the Peace, and the dismissal. As I walked up the the nave with New Testament, I realised that I had a new home, and it was very emotional.

We went out to lunch - we felt we deserved it - and then went to RSPA Danaher, where we got Buster. We told them about him, and then went to look at kittens. We could pretend that it was for the girls, but that would be a lie.

And in the late afternoon, Si and D came around with Morgs and Boo and their kids. And their dogs. We had a good barbecue, and it was good to have dogs around.

I really loved Buster. But I find it easier to accept his death than I thought. Partly because we've been through it before with Suzy. Partly because I have not the slightest doubt that Buster and Suzy are both in heaven. With Meg. And, as Jo said tonight, when we were saying prayers, let's pray that Meg and Buster are playing together.

Labels: buster, diaconate, ministry

Hard day

Had a supervision at lunch, which went well, but other than that, it's been a hard, pretty tiring day trying to get some pretty technical bits and pieces sorted. Partition sizes, Clonezilla (which looks like it's going to rock, once I've got a sensible partition table to try it on), and the rest. Tired.

Labels: diaconate, work

My first services

Today, I performed the services of a deacon for the first time as a member of the clergy. I deaconed at the 0800 at Colne Engaine church (BCP communion), and made my Affirmation of Assent (telling everybody that I believe the right stuff and will do as I'm told) at the 1000 Family Service at the same church. Viv was very supportive and helpful, and it was a joy. I was nervous, but it felt right, too.

Moo brought the girls to the second service, which I was very pleased about. It was hard for her, though, as Jo wanted to go to the swings that were near the carpark, and let Moo know about it throughout the service. And I had to stay afterwards for tea/coffee and cakes (we are CofE, after all), and couldn't be with them, which was also hard, so it wasn't perfect, but I was so happy they were there.

When I got back, the girls were asleep in the car (not Moo!), so I took over while Moo made me a cup of tea. I'd not had the opportunity to say Morning Prayer yet, so I said it in the car, and then had a bit of a sleep.

After more play with the girls (Moo elected to have a tidy and hoover, leaving me with them - though I offered), we all went swimming. Then waffles for supper, then bath and bed. Miri took 5 minutes, Jo over 50. Not good. But it gave me a chance to cook a large chicken, and we even had gravy with it. Whilst I was cooking, my mate Gary called for a chat. He was ordained today, and I'd left a message for him yesterday. Good to chat, and he had some good stories to tell. Really, really good to hear from him, despite the fact that he's from the Other Place.

I'm going to keep this entry open until someone wins the Wimbledon Men's Final. Assuming that's tonight...

And it's Nadal! What a match.

Labels: diaconate, swimming

Serving

(backposting) Today was my first church engagement since ordination: a Area Team Meeting, held in Halstead. I went to a service of Holy Communion in the church first, with just me, James (the other curate, presiding) and one of the people going to the meeting. So, "when two or three are gathered in my name", indeed. A lovely, intimate service: it made me think about how I'll be taking communion services in a year's time.

The meeting went on till 2115, and then I drove up to Loughborough. This is service. My mother-in-law's ADSL router had died, and she really needs to have Internet access for some work she does. Moo and I looked at possible dates to go up, but decided that just doing it might make most sense. So, I left the Halstead around 2130, and got to East Leake around 2345: a good, fast trip. Said the evening office, had a glass and a half of wine, and went to bed.

Labels: church, communion, diaconate, family, service

Sermon

I'm not going to be preaching it until at least the beginning of July, but I'm beginning to worry, already, about my first sermon as a deacon. This is silly, I realise, but that's just running round my head. Do you preach to the lectionary (something I'm not overly given to), or to the season, or to recent events, or speak about myself, or curacy, or the diaconate? I literally have no idea. And it's obviously, obviously too early to think about it.

I'm currently going through the "why isn't everybody else so enthusiastic about the Gospel, then?" phase. This, I'm given understand, is typical of nearly-deaconed ordinands. Expecting to enthuse everybody else is a dangerous fallacy, and I'm glad, at least, that I've seen it. And enthusiasm is good. But needs watching.

Now Moo's not well. Hope she gets better soon. I've done a part dog-poo clearance, and 90% of the ironing (ran out of coat-hangers), and cooked supper. And spent around an hour getting Jo to sleep. But I hate it when Moo's ill. Particularly as it's partly due to overwork.

Labels: diaconate, ordination, sermon, theology