Mike's musings

I have a lovely, lovely wife

(backposting) Beset by gout today. Not a good thing, and probably brought on by the cheese, chocolate and red wine last night, so partly my own fault. Jim and Nina were off to a wedding around 1030, and we'd been planning to take the girls and Jim and Nina's kids to a farm or some such, but I really wasn't capable. So Moo took them on her own. 4 of them. Ages: 4, 3, 2, 1. Apparently they behaved very well, but I'm still very much impressed and grateful. I got some more sleep, read through the mortgage extension offer (we're going to have actual, proper radiators installed, to keep the the entire house above freezing all winter this year (hopefully)!) and did some bits and pieces. What a lovely woman Moo is, and I love her very much.

Labels: children, gout, Moo

I remember Saturdays

They used to be calming, relaxing and de-stressing. Now we have kids. Not that we'd be without them, but we used to have quiet afternoons in front of the rugby, with tea - and maybe biscuits - at half-time. Too much of today seemed to be about asking - no, telling - the girls not to do things. Great quote from Jo, though: "hang on, I think I've found Jesus." to which both Moo and I had to respond, "Hallelujah!"

Yes, we got the nativity set out today.

Labels: children

The death penalty - and Baby P

I've been meaning to blog on this topic for a while now, and I've finally decided to jump on it and do so. In fact, I've been meaning to blog about it from before the Baby P story broke, but I think it's even more important now.

As you may have noticed, here in the UK, there has been enormous outcry at the death of a 3 year old baby known as "Baby P" at the hands of his parents, from terrible injuries. And that outcry has come, unsurprisingly, from people with small children: people like us. That's understandable, and no cause for alarm: there should be an outcry, as this should not have happened. However, it goes beyond that. There are calls for the death penalty for those responsible: or at least for the death penalty to be available to people who commit such crimes. A number of my friends on Facebook have signed up to groups advocating this, and similar. And I can see why. But I believe this to be fundamentally wrong: I passionately believe that we should not have the death penalty.

My reasons are many, and I'm going to try to lay them out here. Interestingly, I think, few of them are based on faith or theology. I realise that my general approach to ethical issues is a Christian one, but I don't think that this is a question that needs Christianity - or other faith - to be invoked in order to decide it. Why, then, should we not have the death penalty?

1. The very top reason is that it brutalises. The ability to call for the death penalty allows us to dip deep into the animal part of us and ignore the rational, the thinking, the loving. And I would ask the question: "do you want your children to grow up in a society where violence is punished with violence?"
2. It's not a deterrent, in many cases. Crimes that are, in other countries, punishable by the death penalty are not those which are avoided by thinking "oh, I might get the death penalty for this: I won't do it, then"
3. It's unjust. It is the economically, socially, academically and intellectually disadvantaged who are by far the most likely to receive the death penalty
4. It's unjust (2). In criminal organisations, it is those on the ground, the lowest in the chain, who are most likely to receive the death penalty: they're more likely to get caught, they're less likely to get off (see above), and they're more likely to have committed the actual crime themselves, rather than having ordered it
5. It's truly a one-way ticket. Mistakes are made: history is littered with them. People who have been found guilty, received the death penalty, and have then been found not to have committed the crime. A confession is no guarantee, either: confessions can be forced, and some people confess because they want to die, even if they haven't committed the crime
6. It's a betrayal. I believe that people have fought - and died - to leave us with a society where we have the opportunity to be decent, honest and just. The death penalty is none of those, and by lowering ourselves to the level of those who commit the crimes that are believed to merit it, we betray those people who have come before us.

I'm not even going to start on Christian arguments: I really don't think they're needed. Comments are _especially_ welcome.

Labels: children, death, ethics, love

Disturbing dream

Last night I dreamt about meeting a child who'd been sexually abused by her father and thrown out by her mother. Moo and I helped, and I got very angry at the police who said that they couldn't see her for at least a week. Moo was about to find someone else to help when I woke up.

It's been preying on my mind a little, and I need to work out why. Think I might need to engage with the issue somehow, but not sure how yet.

Labels: children

Trip to Anglesey

(Abbey, that is). Although I did worry that if I told my GPS phone thingy to find our way there, we might have been half way through Wales before we realised. Anglesey Abbey is another National Trust property, and we took the girls there today. Had a lovely, lovely time, mainly chasing each other and having our socks and shoes stolen (well, that was mainly me).

Jo really got it today. Not all the time, of course, but mostly. Kind, sharing, polite, thoughtful, listening.

Watched Merlin on BBC1. Good stuff: a romp, without any historical reference at all, as far as I could tell. Who cares?

Labels: children, television

Hellfire and damnation

(backposting) Today I preached on hellfire and damnation. It went down really well, and I got lots of approving comments afterwards (including "that was a damn good sermon" and "brilliant"). I finished it off on the positive note for John 3:16-17, pointing out that although Christ said that deserved/were subject to/were liable to hell (Matthew 5:20-22), that's luckily not what God sent him to us for. I really enjoy preaching, and I think it was a good sermon. I'm beginning to worry about the sin of pride, and I spent some time this evening retching over the bathroom loo, but decided that this may have had more to do with the unlimited kebabs and cakes available at the toddler's birthday party we had in the afternoon than God's judgment on me.

Or maybe not.

Labels: children, god, party, preaching

BeWILDerwood

Today we took the girls to BeWILDerwood, which they loved. We were pretty impressed, particularly as they had good bits for little ones like Miri. Jo really lost it after lunch, but recovered in time for the hot tub.

Labels: children, holiday

Having children ...

... tends - in our case, at least - to prevent one from over-indulging _too_ much of an evening, as you know you're likely to be up far too early in the morning, and, what's more, that you'll have to deal with them when they get up. Well, we all got up before 0700, as Ruth and James had to get away, but at least there were no loud children around.

Later on in the day, James very kindly walked me through the deacon's role at Holy Communion in Halstead, which is different to what I've done before. He's quite high church, and takes these things pretty seriously, so was a good teacher.

Forgot to post on yesterday's blog that both Ruth and James are planning to try out SecondLife. James has already popped in and has an av: Ruth not yet.

Labels: children, communion

And then home (again)

It seems that a goodly percentage of the posts I'm writing at the moment involve saying that I'm going home, but I don't have plans for any more trips in the next couple of weeks. This morning we had a couple of excellent sessions on Child Protection, which were very useful. Talked, among other things, about how paedophiles groom adults as well as children. Also about ways to make children safer from predators at the same time as making adults safe from false allegations.

Got home a couple of minutes before the girls and Moo. We got the paddling pool out, they splashed, we all had a barbecue. Good stuff.

Labels: children, ERMC

What a day!

A day when things took a long time to go well. When I tell you that I was ringing colleagues in Canada at 0400 their time, you might get an idea of how things went. But we got there in the end: all was working by the time I walked out of the door around 1745, and the customer was very happy.

Finished reading Marriage after Modernity by Adrian Thatcher. Very interesting. He makes a case for marriage being special - or different, maybe - because it's child-centred. He's very positive about other models, but suggests that this is the over-riding difference. What I like is that he's ontological about it, rather than teleological: you don't _have_ to have reproduction as the aim of a marriage, but that's more than often what it ends up being about, and it's the relationship type where it's most central. Interesting.

Labels: children, family, theology, work

Gardening, barbecue

(backposting) In a somewhat desperate attempt to make the garden habitable, I cleared lots of brambles today. It's nice to have blackberries, but I prefer them not actually to grow in the garden. The other reason was that Victoria and Grenville came over for a lovely barbecue this evening. They waited until Jo was asleep, brought Sennon around, put him to bed, and then we had a lovely time. Grenville headed off around 2200 to do some work (!), so the rest of us stayed up. Moo went to bed around 0000, but came down at 0100 to tell me to sort the dog out, as he was still barking. This saved Victoria and me from drinking even more of the Scotch/Irish whisk(e)y that we'd been consuming, and was generally a good plan.

Today's toddler quote is "I got some in!". Jo had said that she'd get herself some milk, and had gone to the fridge to do so. I'd told Moo not to worry, because Jo's milk (full fat) wasn't opened, so she wouldn't have a chance. The sounds of "glug, glug, splash" made us realise that the other milk _was_ open, and being a resourceful young person, Jo'd gone with that. The cry "I got some in!" was accurate, but the stress would have been better placed on the word "some". Well, Buster got to lick lots of milk from the floor, and Jojo felt pleased with herself.

We prepared Miri's room today. Soon, we'll put her in there overnight, but Moo didn't think that today was a plan.

Labels: children, food, friends, Jo

Zoo

Slept in till nearly 0800, but Jo had come in just before we went to bed last night, and Moo did _not_ have a good night. So, I took Jo off to Colchester zoo, which was, as usual, a sure-fire winner. Some shopping, and then back home. I tried, but just couldn't keep Jo asleep all the way back. This meant, of course, that she was difficult to get to sleep tonight, but that's partly the chicken pox, of course. In fact, with the exception of a few patches, the spots are beginning to fade, and she doesn't seem to be wanting to scratch them as much.

Went to Kim and Andy's engagement party at The Three Bottles in the afternoon, and met some nice people we didn't know before. One couple with a lad (Archie) six months younger than Jo: Jaz and Mike. Jaz is stuck at home without a job, and can't drive: rather a vicious circle in a village. We had a good chat about bringing kids up, and development generally - what about potty training, etc.? We're very lucky with our support network for kids' things, and we've been around a while. Jaz is only 18, and doesn't have much experience. I'll be looking out for her in the village.

Labels: children, zoo

Some more serious stuff

So, some church stuff for a while. Lots going on. First of all, I'd agreed with Ian, my placement supervisor, that I'd visit the Sunday School this Sunday with Jo. It's at 1030 - the same time as the main service - in a separate church down the other end of the main street from the main one, probably about 3/4 of a mile (over a kilometre) away. It's been run for the last 33 years by the same couple, with various helpers. Ian, my incumbent, has never managed to visit, given the timing and where it is. As well as Jo, there were maybe fifteen children, from 4-13. We started with a short service. Well, at nearly 20 minutes, I was impressed with how the children coped, and how well run it was. A bidding prayer led into around 6 hymns/songs, well-chosen, and accompanied on tape. We then had a confession (our "sorry prayer"), followed by the Lord's Prayer (modern version: one of the children turned round to look at me when I started off on the old version!), some intercessions, a final hymn and a dismissal. The children read a number of the prayers (some of which were hand-written on large boards, and all of which the children seemed to know well). After the service, the children split into 3 groups: 4-6, 7-10, 11+. The activities seemed well chosen and enjoyed by the children: I wandered round and spoke to the children and watched what went on. I was impressed. It's not exactly what I'd have expected from a "youth" activity, but it compared very well with the style of Sunday School that I experienced as a child. At the end of the activities, we gathered at the front for a grace, and then headed off. I thanked the adults, who clearly appreciated our visit. It was exactly the sort of activity that it's really important for me to partake in during my placement.

On a different note, Jo did very well indeed. Although the nearest-aged child was 4, she joined in with the youngest group, sat on a little chair, stuck things down, coloured things in, and had a good time: she had no problem with my visiting the other groups. She was also very well looked after by the adult in charge of her group. She's really going to enjoy pre-school when she starts in September.

The rest of the day was taken up with a lovely meal at The King's Head in Gosfield. (our second visit in a couple of months: we'll be back), some time at home (dog poo clearance in the garden, yummy) and swimming at Halstead pool. Supper for Jo, then she went to bed - under five minutes. All very good.

"In my defence..."

... says Moo, "I was breast-feeding and supervising a toddler at the time." Actually, we were both supervising Jo, and she didn't need much help at the time. I told the Jesus-Giapetto joke (look up "Jesus Pinocchio joke" in your favourite search engine). "What?" said Moo, and was really surprised that I'd tell such a joke. It turns out that she doesn't know the Pinocchio story, and just thought that I was suggesting that Jesus lies a lot. And had a big nose. Why would I do that? Why, indeed.

SecondLife

Things are really moving. I've heard that The Ecclesiastical Law Society is interested in SecondLife and what we (the Anglicans in SecondLife) group are doing there. I'm hoping to get involved. And speaking of involvedment, the leader of the group, Arkin Arkantho, has asked me to lead a service for the European timezones in the cathedral. I asked Keith, my supervisor, if he was OK with it, and he is, so we just need to find a time, work on a liturgy, advertise it, and go for it. I'm very pleased.

Labels: children, Jo, joke